If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
