Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
