Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
