he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I will pee on everything he values.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
