First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
