im drinking this country out of the recession.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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