your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
