Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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