I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
