Where did you get a picture of my penis
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
