i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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