dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she looked like the before picture.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
