i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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