You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
