please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
