sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She's the barista slut.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
