dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
