you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
