It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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