Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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