If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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