it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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