I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
