i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
3 2 1 whiskey
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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