I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
