my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
