her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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