ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
