whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
