dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
