he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
