Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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