They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
