He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
