I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
