return my video game
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
