yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
