If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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