Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
