You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
