I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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