he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
