Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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