why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
