Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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