he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
