dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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