The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
