How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
