fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
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